Thursday, January 17, 2008

Back in Munich

For the last 3 weeks I have been exactly here:

Duh, not all the time, but at least 5 days, in Rio De Janeiro. The rest of the time I was traveling around discovering the vast opportunities of this country, together with some friends.
But I won't bother you with further pictures of this trip. It's out of topic and worth another weblog.

Brazil has one huge advantage compared to Germany: It is in the southern hemisphere. So it seemed to me the worst decision ever, when I decided to get off the airplane at the Munich airport. But on the other side: someone has to earn the money for future trips - and in a single household, there is no much choice left..mmmh..maybe I should review my task list for 2008, again.

Anyway, this explains only partially the absence of further entries in this blog. But how could I know, that other human beings than me and my friends are actually interested in the things, I am writing here? So, in future times I have to be even a little bit more careful about the way and what I am writing here. Checked.

Current status over here:
I still want to get back to California!
But at least being in Munich it is not so super-bad anymore: Since Monday I have a Co-Worker at my office. My own one! Ha! So, I am pretty happy about having actually a person to talk to during the day. :)

Also made the decision, to get in touch with this city. At least, it has earned a chance to be liked, right?

In some minutes N. and I will be briefed about our new working projects, we will get involved with. Already curious. But feeling also a bit weird, that such things are decided over my head, without letting me be involved in such discussions. Let's see, what they will tell us..

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

tutorials..

When you are used to learn programming contextually, then it's quite an effort to start writing a program from scratch. At least I have huge problems with that. Fortunately there are nice guys in the WWW, who love to share their knowledge with you. So I felt really comfortable, when reading this Introduction to the wide field of strings:
You've undoubtedly seen all these various string types like TCHAR, std::string, BSTR, and so on. And then there are those wacky macros starting with _tcs. And you're staring at the screen thinking "wha?" ...
I love this tutorial already - because it makes me feel not so stupid anymore. So there must be other guys out there who are exactly feeling like me!
Now, I am ready to learn.

So.. what is the reason, that such few people know, how to motivate their readers in this way? Just bringing a little bit more humanity into it...

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

depressed...but not hopeless..

After I had one additional day off..- stomach flue sucks!-..I went to work, today. A Tuesday. Actually, a pretty good day to start the week with.
Full of energy and some new ideas, I got from the skype meeting, yesterday, with K. and C., my day went over with a lot of disappointments.
I can't say, I hate WinCE.. rather, I don't like it so much as Windows Desktop Development. Uh, these are very nerdy comments, hum? But this is all, my work is about, just now. Learning WinCE. Or learning, how to get over this with the less possible loss of motivation.

Talked to Thorsten, yesterday. He is pretty impressed by my company. But then he told me from his travel plans... Taking his old MiniVan all the way down till Panama, where he wants to sell it.. THREE MONTHS! sigh... what a mission! Such a nice idea... But then... He wants to start with work in April. I thought, it would be sooner!

But anyway. I am OK with it. Was just digging a little bit in the WWW and found some stuff about the Working Visa for the US, especially the L1-Transfer Visa... which was the one, V. was talking about at my job interview... Probably she is right...It would probably be faster to get over to the US by Transfer as by a H1-B visa.

I don't even know, why I am so designated to get over to CA, again! I learned, it's becoming colder there, and all the people are leaving. So the ones staying behind are pretty depressed about the others leaving. Pasta has left yesterday, Lennart will leave in three weeks. Lukas is already back, Gianni's time is also over.. And Thorsten's, too.. While Thorsten has a good pole position for is job start, now, Gianni is devastated to get a job, some job, somehow a H1B- visa, in Sillicon Valley. I heard already from Thorsten, that it is definitely not easy to get a job there, when lagging of a visa.

Maybe these circumstances remind me of not being too frustrated having this position here. It is also an opportunity for me to develop, right?

And then a close friend of mine has a very nice saying:
"Self evaluation, judgment & comparison
this can breed worry and doubt
or motivation to sustain."
Good to know, that you are not alone with your moods. Hope, I will see through all this stuff at work, soon.

Thursday, December 6, 2007

normal madness in my office

Lately, I am becoming really fed up with working for this company. OK, to stay fair: It's not the company, it's more the distance to it and the isolation from it, I am confronted with.

Working alone? I can't recommend this. Every day I am getting more frustrated with every thing I find, I can't handle without help!

And there is less and less reaction to my emails from CA, lately. They are all so focussed on their own workloads, that I have the feeling, I have to get through this all on my own. I know, I am whining. But finally I think, this is totally justified!

Who the heck is so stupid to be OK with beginning a job being the only one in the German team? Slowly, I am beginning to hate it, getting up every morning again, already knowing, I won't be ready for this day, that I won't handle the tasks (I have to set up for myself on my own, btw..). Never wanted to have to run an own business. But this current situation comes pretty close to this.

OK. To be more precise: Since yesterday I am trying to bring my printer to work again, after I needed half of the day to repair the network, having a proper internet connection through a protected network again! And now I don't get this stupid printer to work! This is not my work field! I am supposed to concentrate on other madnesses! I don't have time for not being able to repair this whole ...darn... within 5 minutes!

So..I don't care anymore! Giving up, just another day.

I began my work with a motivation level around 200% - call it Euphoria. It dropped withing these two months from "slightly demotivated" to "purely frustrated". I don't know, if this was in the mind of my company, when they hired me.

No reactions to my emails, no constructive feedbacks to my work, only the basic communication.

Led now to no interest anymore in learning more programming, feeling isolated and absolutely worse informed than any customer of us, running over with self-pitiness and helplessness.

Absolutely not acceptable.

How could this happen? What am I doing wrong? Why can't I handle it? What can I do, to feel better? Don't want to feel like this!

At least I tried to improve my situation by communicating with them:
On Monday per Skype.
It came out:
  • They are so absorbed by their own workloads that e.g. K. haven't even tested the application, yet. B. and A.(?) did it - one of my very first shots! How do they dare to tell me then, that I am doing a good job, if they don't even know? The only comment: ' The GUI looks professional! *astonished*' COME ON! What have they expected !?
  • 'We let s.o. test the app thoroughly and tell you some results on our next Skype conference' - I think, this app is not ready for one thorough testing! But I don't care. Decided to. If they think, it's not important to teach me how to make it better, then let it happen.
  • C.: 'We think you should come over here for some time, if you think you need more insights into the Software..' - GREAT! I get some more insights into the software! Now I am excited! OK, I want to be in CA. But I ONLY want to be THERE, not here. So, I am frustrated, too
  • And then, there is Thorsten. His interview on Friday. I am very interested, if they find a solution for him to stay in CA. If so, then I will be really pissed of this situation.
So..fine. I am really frustrated. And with this already prepared for the next step: Depression.
I hope, the vacations in Brazil coming up and hopefully the going over to my company in CA will save me from this. Otherwise this company won't be my future. Not even the close one.

Friday, November 16, 2007

oh no, come on...!

Isn't this frustrating?



When I finally left the office, yesterday, - yes, 10PM is pretty late.. - I found the lock of my bike actually frozen! After one scary thought of going home the 2.5 km risking to die a cold death, I put every effort in making this damn frozen lock work, again.. Additional 2 minutes of hoping suddenly brought success. So lucky, having invested the 10 EUR to get my super duper snowboard gloves from ALDI. :o) - Maybe I should invest some more money in good old WD40, which could also defrost my brakes, either..


So, after these experiences and a cold bike ride to work this morning, I decided to participate in the Greencard-lottery. For sure...:-)

So far..

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Who is still talking about autumn??

My way to work this morning...


..and seriously.. it's becoming cold!

Yesterday night, I took me some time to find my bike, hidden under a layer of snow. And then I had to defrost my bike! The brakes were frozen.. I was just lucky that they had snowboard gloves just on sale...

No way, that I would stay here forever! Far too cold and snowy!

Sunday, October 7, 2007

first steps

..what has happened so far:

The first week is over and I am still in Munich. And it seems that I will stay here even longer. This seems not too bad as outcome for the first day, doesn't it?
Nevertheless... 3 times within one week Oktoberfest was just far too much Bavaria for me. Just recovered from the last bad cold two weeks ago, the next one brought me down, this weekend.

But stop! One step after another.
So, I started last Friday in Hamburg, my car packed full of things I thought, I really need the first weeks in Munich (e.g. travel guides to get away again), and with the worst travel weather I ever had, when driving on Germany's highways - down pouring heavy rain all the way from north to south - 12 1/2 hours long, because of the bad traffic conditions on the road..
Fortunately Tobias, a friend of Michael, was driving down with me. Otherwise I would have gone crazy with all the bad weather and that coexisting synchronous mood within myself. The only thing was him being tired, he nearly felt asleep - but only until that point where I threatened him with driving circles on the highway if he fell asleep. Wonderful method to keep someone awake. :-) So we finally arrived long after midnight at Annas' place. We waited till Michael, who was driving down separately started from Hannover, picked Tobias up to go and bug a friend of them for staying there overnight.

Because I got evidence one day before that my flat sharing room was meanwhile given to another person (and nobody told me this), I was prepared to surf on Anna's couch this weekend, sharing the living room the night from Saturday to Sunday with Gerald (HA! I was first! :-) ) and changing to the next couch at Sonja's on Monday to stay there until I finally got my own apartment at the MUCCampus, for a lot of money per month. But this is another topic.

Saturday was 'Reunion Day' at the Oktoberfest in Munich. After Gerald had arrived at Anna's place we met Amelie at the main train station and decided that it would be wise to eat something before having liters over liters of beer at the fest.

While finding Amelie at the main station was relatively easy for us to accomplish, finding Michael and Tobias at a specific point at the Oktoberfest was a real challenge.
This was totally packed with people - all kind of people. Especially with a lot of Italians.

Amelie needed to make pics of typical Bavarian traditional clothes. She had enough possibilities for this on our way:

The Underground station 'Theresienwiese' had been so full of people that they had to close this one for some time - unfortunately we had been there right in time to get into it..

And at the Oktoberfest we needed some tries to understand Michael and his friends on the cellphone, where the heck they are situated drinking their liters of beer happily...

It was just fortunate that we found the Augustiner Braeu Biergarten and especially them inside it. And we were even more fortunate finally being able to find a spot on a bench to sit down and drink our mass. :-)



Anyway, we got to know from an Austrian sitting on a bench with us, that people like him are going here once a year, sitting down from morning (9AM) to evening (in this case 9PM), drinking loads of beer and talking to all these people. Another guy told me that he drank 10 Mass over one day, once. 10 liters?? This is all crazy! I had already enough after 1 1/2 Mass. How can one body stand 10 Mass???

In the end Gerald, Anna and me brought Amelie to the train station, letting her drive home in a totally over-crowded train, back to Erlangen. Michael & friends stayed at their benches, promising freshly known people discounts on Conti-wheels. We (Gerald, Anna and me) met them again the next day in the beer garden of the English Garden. They looked tired, but not totally hang overed. :)

While Gerald went home in the evening, I stayed another night surfing on Anna's couch, relieved not to be alone in Sonja's apartment. This was a nervous night. Couldn't sleep so well, because now the relaxing days were over. On the next day the work should start... And then there was the organization of the apartment stuff..additionally to the office stuff.. and where were the answers to all of my thousands of questions?

More to that crazy week, starting after that night and just ended with this midnight, in my next entry..later... when I fetched some sleep..